The questions to ask before moving in with someone
No interrogation needed. A few questions, asked beforehand, avoid the arguments every flatmate knows. Here they are, with why they matter.
Almost every argument between flatmates starts with something nobody said beforehand. Not out of malice: when you look at a room you talk about rent and bills, not about how you live. Here are the questions worth asking, and how to listen to the answers.
What are your hours?
An early riser and a night owl can live together perfectly well, if they know. The problem starts when one of them discovers the other’s rhythm at two in the morning. Ask about exam periods too: that’s when hours matter most.
How much do you care about tidiness?
The real question is: what does a tidy kitchen mean to you? For some it’s an empty sink every evening, for others it’s no dishes piled up for more than three days. Neither answer is wrong. They’re just different, and it’s better to know beforehand.
Do you need quiet to study?
Someone who studies in their room needs a different home from someone who studies in the library. Ask where the other person studies, whether they make calls, whether they play an instrument. And say it yourself, honestly.
Parties at home, yes or no?
There’s no right answer, only a compatible one. Dinner with friends on Friday and a party every Saturday are very different things. Talk about it concretely: how many times a month, until what time, how many people.
Guests staying overnight?
It’s the topic that causes the most embarrassment, precisely because nobody talks about it. A boyfriend or girlfriend who stays over often is effectively one more flatmate: they use the bathroom, the kitchen, the washing machine. Better to agree beforehand on what feels normal to everyone.
How do you feel about smoking?
Smoking indoors, smoking on the balcony, not smoking but not minding those who do: these are four different positions, and for many people one of them is a hard limit. Ask directly.
Pets?
If the other person has a cat, or would like one, that’s information that changes everything. Not least because the lease often has something to say about it.
How to listen to the answers
Two tips.
First: don’t look for someone identical to you. Look for someone whose differences are manageable. Two people very different on hours but in agreement on tidiness and guests can live together perfectly well.
Second: decide beforehand which two or three things are non-negotiable for you. On those, no compromise. On everything else, yes.
It’s the same principle Uniflat works on: seven questions, and for each one you say how much it matters to you. The compatibility number comes from there, and the reasons are always next to it.
